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一篇好的个人陈述需要符合以下的条件：
√ Clarity 思路清晰
√ Links everything 将所有内容串连到您感兴趣的科目
√ Own voice 有你独特的声音
√ Specific 见解明朗，有证据支持
√ English 英语语法与结构不出错
基于以上CLOSE原则，以下是一些个人陈述修改前后的示例。
CLARITY 思路清晰
之前
With the increasing power of computer processing, we are now dealing with an amount of data that we couldn’t have even dreamed of in the past. Via data science, we can now do things ranging from unearthing useful information, discovering the hidden rules (it’s not clear what rules).
之后
With the increasing power of computer processing, we are now dealing with an amount of data that we couldn’t have even dreamed of in the past. Via data science, we can now do things like unearthing useful information and even gaining the ability to foresee the future.
LINKS 有关联性
OWN VOICE 独特的声音
不要使用被动语态，而应该使用主动语态，问自己如何以及为什么。
之前
- “Based on extensive personal experience and exemplary coursework, medicine is obviously a challenge that will last a lifetime.”
之后:
- “I spent many years of my childhood observing how my father took care of my auntie, who had a terminal illness. The lack of sound medical advice in our village very often sent him to desperation. Since then, I had realised how important it is to have a better knowledge of medicine. After succeeding in my academic performance, I have made up my mind to pursue medicine as a lifelong career.”
SPECIFIC 具体
English 英语
英语语法的多处错误可能会使招生专员对您的印象不好。 确保检查所有语法。 移动段落以确保叙述的流畅性。 开始的时后不需要按顺序编写个人陈述，可以把不同的想法写成段落，然后再随意移动以创建最佳的故事流畅性。
其他提示：
✔ 有力的开头 – 一个好的首段将会给人留下深刻的印象。
✔ 要举例子，不要光说我擅长什么。✔ 问自己“那又如何？”：如果您吹长笛或打篮球都好棒，那又如何? 是否与您将来在大学取得的学业成就有关? 还是应该优先考虑其他的个人之处？ 您可能在很多方面都很擅长，但是您提到的所有内容都需要连接到您想投考的学科与兴趣。 您可能非常擅长烹饪，这似乎与计算机科学没有任何关系，但是如果您可以证明烹饪的组织能力和创新的意念是与探索计算科学知识所需的思维方式相同，那么您可以提及。 否则，写下任何事实时问自己“这又怎样”。
✔ 项链方法：将起点和终点很好地环绕在一起，看起来就很漂亮了。
例子:
Introductory hook:
When I was nine-years-old I found a wounded wren in my back garden. I placed her in a shoebox and tried to nurse her back to health, but I wasn’t sure if my actions were helping, and within three days she died. It was then that I realised I wanted to be a veterinarian – to have the knowledge to help animals.
Theme: Helping and compassion aided by knowledge
Using this theme in the academic section: During my undergraduate studies in Biology, we learned about degenerative cell degradation, and my research project focused on limiting cell degradation through hydration. While this project was on a cellular level, working with eukaryotes, I’d like to take this concept to understand how hydration may help farm animals, such as sheep, live longer.Ending hook:
By studying for an MA in animal sciences, I will have the knowledge to help wounded and sick animals. Be it a wren in my garden or livestock on afar.
最后，个人陈述应该是独特且个性化的-这就是为什么它被称为个人陈述。 你应该有一个独特的故事。 请勿复制他人的个人陈述。